Juniorate 2012-2013

Personal Examen

(Antonius Siwi Dharma Jati, SJ)

Introductory

I have been here in the Juniorate for 3 months. In this context, I want to reflect upon my life here. In general, I like to live in this Juniorate and to join the programme. However, I never imagine that I will be very busy as it is now; even I have no time to balance my life. If I look at myself, I am not balance anymore. Sometimes, I feel that I am like a machine which is always commanded to work. My spiritual director told me that I was much overburdened like a robot. That is why I try to balance my life. I need to have an initiative to pay attention for my spiritual life, study life and humanism life. Stress is a part of my life. I do not want to blame everybody, because this programme is still new and all of us need to adjust our lives here also. It needs a long time to be stabile. However, no one can know when I am stressed and confused. They just say that I look happy and “crazy” everyday. This reflection is more or less based on de statu of the Procurator’s Congregation 2012.

Universal Vocation of a Jesuit

Here, I live in the International Community that is my first experience in my life-time. I realise that our vocation is universal, so I welcome my junior friends here as if well as they are my own family. Besides that, I am very happy to be asked for a help by them. As a “host “of this Juniorate, I desire to help my fellow juniors as well as I can. On my eyes, they are also the Jesuits who have the same mission with me in this world.  Regarding my awareness of the universal vocation, I have a great passion to learn English. Learning English is very joyful for me, even though my English is not really good now. For me, as an international language, English is like a bridge to conquer the world. 

Life in the Spirit

Now, I will look into my spiritual life. Spiritual life is included my priority in this Juniorate, because it is the root of my life. When I leave my spiritual life, I will leave the Society soon also. That is why I always pay attention about this aspect.  Therefore, I include some spiritual activities such as spiritual direction, confession, examen and soon in my Time Table. However, I realise that I cannot be consistent in following my time table. In my Time Table, I provide a time for keeping my spiritual life. I often miss the Morning Prayer, because my eyes are hard to be open in the morning. However, I still meet my spiritual director and confessing once a month. I think those are very helpful to keep my spiritual life. Keeping my spiritual life is very important for me to balance my life.

Apostolic Dynamism

Study is my mission now which is commanded by Provincial. Besides that, I am the beadle also. Therefore, I try to be faithful and serious in my study. Every day, I provide a few times to study or just to read the books. For me, to be one year in the Juniorate is the good opportunity. I can improve my language skills and prepare my philosophy better. However, I do not want to think only for myself. I try to be a servant also for my fellow juniors. They are still strange to adapt themselves. Also in the small things like accompany to the hospital, mini shop and many more, I do it happily. I try to be aware that all that I do in this Juniorate is my apostolate. It is probably like a simple thing, but from these small things, I am being prepared to do the greater jobs.

Community Life

                For these 3 months, I like to interact with all of my friends. When I pay attention my community, there are 2 juniors who like to be silent and talk less. They are Joseph and Justine. Both of them do not talk much in the community, so I try to greet and approach them. In brief, I can understand why they do not talk much. I love this community very much. They are very kind in relationship one another. They are very open to share their difficulties, and they like to ask and help one another. They always encourage me every time I am stressed and facing the difficulties. I am sure that this community will become a formative community.

Sentire Cum Ecclesiae

                My apostolate is in the Campus Ministry. Almost every month, I am in charge to prepare an English Mass with the University students. With regard to that apostolate, I am interested to love a community mass and to move the students so that they like to be diligent in attending the mass. For me, it is the way to be one heart with the Church or Sentire Cum Ecclesiae. In the Universal Church, I am not an outsider, but the one who must participate to build the Church among the people. In this Juniorate, I find an opportunity in my apostolate.

Creativity in the Society

                Without creativity, my life is empty. Almost every day, I never stop thinking about homework or my turn as a beadle. I even have no time to refresh my mind that is full of jobs. I sometimes look like a robot or a good machine that is always commanded to work. For me, a Jesuit is not only a labourer that works to get a salary. Moreover, my life is more meaningful to serve and love God and others. However, I can solve that problem with my creativity. I have hobbies like painting, drawing, writing a poem, playing music and playing football. In my opinion, those are the best ways to get rid of my stress. I have colour pencils and drawing book. When I am bored with my homework or the other tasks, I take my drawing book and colour pen and then draw some pictures. I also like to take my violin and play it. I mention that ways as my creativity in the Society. My creativity is sometimes helpful. When I go to my apostolate, I can use my skill in playing violin to make friends with the students. I like to be a creative person. Creativity is also helpful when I have some jobs or homework. I do not like to be easy way out; otherwise, I try to think another way to manage the time and do them as creative as I can.    

Conclusion

I am very grateful for experiencing the Juniorate Programme for 3 months. I have got valuable lessons like balancing my life, being creative, paying attention to the community life and many more. These experiences can be precious for my future as a Jesuit. However, I oftentimes fell very tired, bored and overburdened. Those feelings will not be there if I can enjoy this programme step by step. I hope next semester, I can be more patient and enjoy every step.