My Sincere Gratitude

My Sincere Gratitude

Sch. Antonius Siwi Dharma Jati, SJ

I know that the end-semester holiday is supposed to be the best time to visit my birth family in Yogyakarta. Some people might say, “No place like home for the holidays”. Yes, I absolutely agreed with that statement. However, I intentionally decided not to do so for some reasons. With regard to this, it was difficult for me to explain this decision to my parents. I remember well three months ago, I told my parents that I was planning not to be home for Christmas. Both daddy and mommy were unhappy and a bit disappointed with my decision. No doubt they are my parents who has been nurturing me on honey and perhaps they still think that they must have taken me on their lap many times. However, in my opinion a grown-up son has his own way to decide for his life.

They asked me why a thousand times. I said to them that I had not finished my thesis yet, so it was my duty to set my own schedule writing thesis during this holiday. At the beginning, they could not accept my reason and they even almost won me over with a single statement. They said, “You have all along engaged yourself in your study. Yes, it is true that study is very important in your life right now, but you should spend some time to relax and to take a break.” Reflecting upon their statement, I feel that they never mind if I do not spend my holiday break with them. They just worry about me if only I am stressed out due to the academic pressure during this semester in which I have to engage myself in writing thesis.

I tried to explain to them that what I really needed was a good time management. For me, holiday is time to get a jump start on planning next semester while I have time and there is no time like the present. Therefore, time management is very important in my daily functioning and at the same time it requires of me to sacrifice and surrender some of my desires for the sake of the essential matters which mean a lot to me. That is why before I get too busy to do so later, I would like to manage by myself to get all my homework finished in due time.

 My parents eventually understood. They afterwards could accept my reason, but they still asked me to visit one of our relatives in Jakarta. Mommy told me that my aunt namely Êsti lived in East Jakarta with her husband and daughter. She wished that I could visit Aunt Êsti and her family. However, as I told mommy, I did not have any idea if I still had relatives in Jakarta. And “Who is Aunt Êsti?”, I asked mommy. She got mad and then said, “How terrible you are. You do not even know your own family.” After that, we were laughing together. “She is mommy’s youngest sister”, she continued. I said, “OK, as mommy wished, I would visit Aunt Êsti after Christmas celebration.”  

As I have planned, so shall it be. I visited my aunt after Christmas celebration. In our family, almost everyone knows me even though I do not know them well. I am usually recognised as Ani’s son or Yuda’s brother. I actually enjoy being recognised as my own merits but I am not ashamed to be associated with any of them too. Besides, I am also recognised as a candidate of a priest (some know that I am a Jesuit who will be a priest) and a playful but intelligent boy (they noticed my misconduct many times when I was a kid, aside from this I was popularly known as a smart boy too). Therefore, even though I had never seen my aunt, I was certain that she would recognise me when she saw me. To my surprise, after I arrived in her small rented house, she called me by name. It was the first time, I saw my aunt. She is a Muslim and in my opinion, she is well-aware of her Islamic identity. I notice it from the way she wears hijab wherever she is. Nevertheless, she welcomed and treated me warmly.  

After letting me sit on the floor (there is no any chair in her house), we started talking to each other. I was the one who opened the conversation. Hereafter, she told me many things about her family which I had never known. Aside from this, she talked a lot about her relationship with my mom when they were kids too. Both of them got along very well. According to her story, my mom always treated her fraternally when she was a kid, for example: picking her up from the school, giving her pocket money and many more. That is why she always feels like indebted to my mom at present and she has to pay her debt. She said, “You are Ani’s son. You must know that I am obliged to your mom for she had all along been loving me tenderly.” I was very touched by her words. Then, we talked a lot of things. She seems very comfortable with me. She told me that she used to have a son but she lost him. Her son is supposed to be in the same age as me. Sadly, he passed away at the age 16 after suffering from cancer. Crying, she said to me, “It was too early death. Now, I only have a daughter. Please, pray on to your God for her health and long life.” I did not say anything but listened to her emphatically. After she wept over her dead son, she called her daughter named Selvi. It was my first time to see my 23-year-old cousin. I took their leave at 9 p.m. Selvi was accompanying me until I got in a taxi.  

Today when I look into the old pages of my visit to Aunt Êsti, I feel like returning to that day again. I can still visualize the scene of her words, “You are Ani’s son....” and the way she treated me. Her words are absolutely touching for me. Having made a personal reflection upon that experience, I am so grateful that my parents shape how others receive me. No doubt many people oftentimes treated me with kindness. It is perhaps because my parents always treat other people with kindness too. I am so thankful and really proud of my parents. I told my mom about what I experienced during my visit to Aunt Êsti. She was happy to hear that I met my aunt. She afterwards told me another good news that my youngest brother was just accepted into John de Britto Senior High School. She was happy that her younger son will be educated soon by the Jesuits just like her other two sons – my elder brother and I.

The second experience which I want to reflect upon at this moment is our community outing on January 7 - 9, 2017 in Pramuka Island. We all went to the seaside, swam and played together there. After doing those things, we had community mass and a deep conversation during our dinner. Notwithstanding, I was a bit upset because one of us – Nico – was discerning to leave the Society of Jesus. Among all of his friends, I am the closest one to him. To go back to the beginning of his vocation, I was the one who accompanied him when he was following the Jesuit Vocation Promotion. I actually have high expectations of him up to now. It is true that I was the one who accompanied him to enter into the Society of Jesus and now I am accompanying him to leave the Society of Jesus. I used to help him make application letter to the Provincial and now I am helping him make a request of dismissal to the Superior General of the Society of Jesus – our Very Reverend Father Arturo Sosa, SJ. I have no right at all to change his decision. What I can do now is just to support his decision and encourage him. In general, I really had a lot of fun with my friends. I suppose all of us enjoyed the time and the good company there. Furthermore, I suppose everyone was in a very happy mood. All of them remind me of the table fellowship that Jesus had and enjoyed during His lifetime.

Recalling and reflecting upon my experiences during community outing, I have all along been grateful as a Jesuit and I will forever be grateful to my vocation. I think this outing can be a means how the Jesuits build up our community and get to know one another. This outing is the last one I have with my community in this philosophy stage of formation. After this, I will face the next stage – regency in which I have to engage myself in any ministry. I thank my community for giving me a chance to grow up in this stage of formation. This community has my words that I will always pray for everyone that our lives may continue to be fruitful in service to the whole world in the years to come.

After spending holiday with my aunt and Jesuit fellows, I took a moment with God during the three-day-retreat. In this retreat, I tried to bring all of my experiences during this end-semester holiday in prayers. In this chance of holiday with God, I wanted to express my sincere gratitude to Him. First of all, I thanked God since I had submitted 4 out of 5 chapters of the draft of my thesis to my advisor - Father Setyo Wibowo - for further correction before Christmas. Secondly, I thanked God for the Christmas celebration I participated with the Jesuits, Seminarians and some faithful at Wacana Bhakti Minor Seminary. With this Christmas celebration, I felt that God would let me go to the deeper level of receiving the new-born King in my heart. Thirdly, I thanked God for meeting up with my aunt and her family. The last but one, I thanked God for my community. Finally, I thanked God that I got ready to face the upcoming semester and to embark on my mission to study. AMDG.